How (Not) to Date Online

“If I am drinking a Sea-Breeze, you are drinking a Sea-Breeze.”

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“I’ve been watching “You’ve Got Mail” on repeat all weekend.”

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“I could wear my mother’s wedding dress… and we could dance to Rosemary Clooney records.”

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“…I was too busy combing flaxseed & nutritional yeast out of my hair.”

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“Before glue and wax, I was really in to burning rubber.”

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“Honey, your [sic] trying to be a smat [sic] ass!”

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“I will make goulash or juicey balls”

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“Businessmen eat sushi off my naked body.”

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