How (Not) to Date Online

How (Not) To Date Online Offline: Mustard Scotch

me: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DID THAT
YOU PUT MUSTARD IN YOUR SCOTCH
Sheb: i am the greatest hero in American history
me: YOU DID THIS ON A DATE
Sheb: of course
me: A FIRST DATE
Sheb: well, we were with other people
me: did you do it earnestly and casually? or was it in haha self-inflicted pie-in-face manner?
Sheb: fairly casually
i think someone had to ask me what the hell i was doing
me: Have you heard from this girl since?
Sheb: not really
[Sheb & I have been friends for ten years. There isn't a boundary he hasn't sheb'd all over.]