How (Not) to Date OnlineSheb Strikes Again: IM Courtship Don'ts
- 1: 30 PM
- Sheb: what u doing right now
- AnnieGetUrFun: I just finished giving my dog a bath
- Sheb: what kind of dog
- AnnieGetUrFun: Chihuahua
- Sheb: what size
- AnnieGetUrFun: teacup
- Sheb: long hair or short hair?
- AnnieGetUrFun: short, why?
- 1: 37 PM
- AnnieGetUrFun: hello?
- 1: 39 PM
- [Sheb has gone idle]
- 2: 23 PM
- [Sheb is back online]
- AnnieGetUrFun: hey, where you been?
- 2: 23 PM
- Sheb: I just injured myself m*sterbating
- [AnnieGetUrFun has signed off]
How Not 2 Chat With A Potential Date Online: Books
- WBurgHauteSauce: I guess I just want to own my own beatnik-era book truck, like a taco truck, but with like Hunter S. Thompson instead in lieu of tostadas.
- Sheb: What?
- WBurgHauteSauce: What's your big dream?
- Sheb: huh?
- WBurgHauteSauce: ur goal in life or whatever. duh...
- Sheb: I want to touch every book in the New York City Public Libary with my left index finger.
- WBurgHauteSauce: Oh
- WBurgHauteSauce: Ok
- WBurgHauteSauce: why?
- Sheb: Because I got arrested when i tried to do it with my d*ck.
- [WBurgHauteSauce has signed off]
Things You Shouldn't Reveal Over IM to Your Potential Date
- PurdyGirl86: I'd like to start my own bizness some day. What do you want outa life?
- Sheb: i want to make enough money so that i can spend 15 years in a huge cage, naked, with nothing but porn and an endless supply of food.
- [PurdyGirl86 has signed off]
How (Not) To Date Online Offline: Mustard Scotch
- me: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DID THAT
- YOU PUT MUSTARD IN YOUR SCOTCH
- Sheb: i am the greatest hero in American history
- me: YOU DID THIS ON A DATE
- Sheb: of course
- me: A FIRST DATE
- Sheb: well, we were with other people
- me: did you do it earnestly and casually? or was it in haha self-inflicted pie-in-face manner?
- Sheb: fairly casually
- i think someone had to ask me what the hell i was doing
- me: Have you heard from this girl since?
- Sheb: not really
- [Sheb & I have been friends for ten years. There isn't a boundary he hasn't sheb'd all over.]
Internet is 4 <3rs
I know, I'm going 2 h3LL.
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